When you say you want to go to the Memorial to get 'loved up', I think you cut to the heart of your problem. Lots of witnesses run a sub-conscious cost/benefit analysis in their brain constantly. "If I remain a witness I get unfettered access to my 'friends' and family; If I don't, I get misery and may die at armageddon" . The only thing we should need to have unfettered access to our friends and family is love and respect. If you don't have that sensation that you are worshipping a real God, like the one described from the platform and that all the doctrines the Witnesses teach are pragmatic, logically sound and have or will/have positive results in your life, then what you are planning to do is 'ACCEPT'. This is not believing and its not faith.
Some people turn into self-fulfilling prophecies, they may have never had the kind of social interaction they needed to negotiate their way in life, because the KH was making sure they never suffered the hurt and rejection that we learn from in our lives, or other. Like chiki said some people do face rejection of a sort, but you're rarely allowed to follow the natural course of dealing with that rejection and learn from it. Sounds like you have had a bad run of chosing mates and friends possibly, but that doesn't have to be a terminal situation, it doesn't mean you lack the ability to recognize genuine quality in people and it doesn't mean that these people don't exist outside of 'Jehovahs Organization'. It means you have to analyze yourself, find out why you make the choices you make, find out what motivates you. Take care of you first.
Spirituality can be like MSG, it gives you a satisfying burst of flavor, but you want more of it eventually and gives you nothing nutritional in return.
